we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
