I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're a waste of cheezeits
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
