Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
