I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize