whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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