You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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