I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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