And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
