Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
