is wine microwaveable?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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