worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
