I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
