just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
