We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
