I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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