shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i came on her dog
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
