Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are the jesus of drinking
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
