somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
