she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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