kristin has been a bad kristin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
