stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
