how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
