If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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