There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
