she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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