Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize