I will die if light touches me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
