woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
