youre lurking in front of me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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