Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
