She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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