so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
