oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
