More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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