What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize