Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
