I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
