her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
