my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
