It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well you can't waste a boner
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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