i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
