Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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