...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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