The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
