literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
