You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
