just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
