so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
