i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
