where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
