i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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