we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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