You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
