isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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