she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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