I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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