I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
