Do you still have your period?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
