Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
