i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
