A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
