im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Houston, we have a squirter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
