shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you win again, gameday.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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