So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
