it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
