If i come over, it means nothing
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
