My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
