told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
