Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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