in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
