everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
