OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
