I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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