you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize