apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
