so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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